Hello

Hello whoever you are-

I have officially started my new position and am loving it. I get to work with students that I don't usually get to work with. We have around 50 adults with disabilities aged from 18-35 at the school I teach at. It's nice to get to know the students better, plus you get fun new stories to tell everyone. There is never a dull moment working there.  There are hard days where I will have students call me names that I shan't repeat here but most of the time I leave work feeling rewarded. Like when I got this note from my Special Olympic Team.

Awww

It's finally nice out! Well not really. We have like one nice day a week and the rest have been sad and rainy. I hate that. I thrive off of sunlight. Gotta get dat vitamin D. Nice days also means grilling everything. I'm trying to learn how to grill- I think I should just stick to baking. The grill makes me anxious that I'm going to catch on fire.

My be-a-utiful backyard

Speaking of anxiety, my anxiety has been off the charts. I've always had anxiety, but my main struggle growing up was with depression. Since my 20's, I've noticed it starting to switch. (Also can we talk about how hilarious/not actually hilarious it is to live with both depression and anxiety? A lot of people do-- you have one side of your brain telling you not to get out of bed and that nothing matters, and the other side of your brain is FREAKING OUT about EVERYTHING that could happen if you didn't get out of bed. It's feeling too much yet nothing at all at the same time.)
-----Anyways. Really weird things have been making me anxious that never did in the past. Flying is one--I have been on about 50 planes in my life with no issues. All of a sudden all I can think about is the plane crashing or being set on fire or whatever. I guess flying isn't really that weird to be anxious about, but I've also been anxious about
- That everyone is mad/disappointed in me
- My age- I am anxious that time is running out (I know I'm only 25... that's what makes it weird)
- Texting/phone calls- I feel that if I don't answer them right away that the person will think I hate them.
- Money (I guess another common one)
-Being anxious- I am ANXIOUS ABOUT BEING ANXIOUS

I think the worst thing about having anxiety, is the fact that you know that there is nothing to worry about, but that sick feeling in your gut is still there.

That was a rant I didn't know was going to happen, but oh well- I think it's good for people to be open about mental illnesses. A huge majority of people have them. Don't feel like it's an embarrassment to talk about. If someone makes you feel bad then slap them. But you'll probably be too anxious to slap them.

I really want to post progress pics of my myomectomy scar, but I cannot figure out how to do it and not have it be too risqué. Or gross- those first pics are bloody. Also I am so mad that my surgeons did not take a picture of the tumor like I wanted. The healing is going really well. I only feel a little bit of pain when I push down hard on it, or lie on my stomach. I lost feeling above the scar on my stomach so that feels weird. I might get feeling back in a year or so. I have been reading up on fibroids and I've heard a lot about a 'fibroid diet' that apparently reduces the risk of getting fibroids again. It says to not eat dairy and I'm pretty sure I'd rather go through the surgery again. (just kidding) (maybe).


Here are some pics of my weird cat. He brings me joy.

 






-Jo